The Last Stand!

Ok, so maybe that is a little dramatic, but I took my final step into married life yesterday. I will admit this was the hardest one for me to take. I took my paycheck and deposited it into "our" account. AHHHHHHHHH!!! Again, I recognize this a a bit dramatic, but I've been in charge of my money for a very long time. Knowing what comes in and what goes out. Now, I gladly give the bill paying over to Jake, but I wasn't sure I was ready to give up the freedom of stopping at Starbucks whenever I wanted or buying that cute shirt at the Gap, just because I liked it. Now he will see everything!!! Oh the madness. He and I have talked about this and its funny, he is feeling the same anxiety I am. See Jake and I both like to spend money, one of the things we have in common, so it was reassuring to know that he was nervous as well. My hesitation was more connected to that part of me that likes control. I know, I just admitted that I am a bit of a control freak, but we are all friends here right? I am a control freak...there I said it. Truthfully since a young age I've had to be in control of my life so it was difficult for me to give up this last bit of "perceived" control. But as we were paying bills this morning I realized, this is how it should be. What is mine is his and what is his is mine. I'll be sure to remind him of that when there's a new Coach purse I want ;)

Blessings,
Christine

Faith Like a Child

Why does it always come back to faith?  I ask myself this question all the time.  It's been on my mind since Sunday.  We were on our way to church and the topic of Jake's condo came up.  He is trying to sell his condo and we really, really need to sell.  Are we ok right now, sure, we have more than what we need, but, we look to the future and know that we need to begin to make plans.  If God permits children will come one day and we want to be able to provide them a stable home where I can be there with them.  That's the future...but we are here now praying that this condo will sell.  He has faith....faith like a child...it's amazing isn't it?  That a man who has experienced a lot of pain and loss can still look to God and say, I trust you completely.  I used to think I was optimistic, but not compared to Jake.  Our conversations always go the same, he tries to reassure me that it will go.  "God knows" he says, "he will take care of us".  I try so hard to believe as he does, but it doesn't come as easily to me.  I seem to always be looking over my shoulder, when will the other shoe drop so to speak?  Then we went to church.  Amazing, God again says 'Christine..can you just let me do my job?'  We heard a speaker Steve Saint,  the movie The End of the Spear, was based on his life.  Amazing to me that this man whose father was brutally murdered by savages when he was trying to protect them not only forgave them, but through the grace of God was now able to call them family.  He ministered to these people because its what God said to do.  Then just as if it seemed things were good, his 17 year old daughter returns from a mission trip only to die on the night of her welcome home party from a hemorrhage in her brain.  And yet he follows our Lord and says, thank you, what will you have me do next?

So, once I pulled my self up from my seat and wiped the tears from my eyes I realized that once again it comes back to faith.  God has never given me a reason to doubt him, yet I have given him numerous reasons to doubt me.  So, when my devoted husband says that God will provide, I will now work harder to let his child like faith become my inspiration to build my faith even stronger.  I need to stop asking God, "will you really do this?" and starting saying "Thank you Lord, and what will you have me do next?"

I hope you all take a few moments to look up Steve Saint and read his story.  It is a true expression of child like faith.

On a brighter note, I got some awesome news today.  My awesome friend Lisa is busting out!  She and I have a girls movie night planned for Friday.  She has a sitter and Jake has given the go ahead and we are going to a movie.  I'm so excited selfishly to be able to hang out with her, but also so excited for her.  She is such a dedicated mom and wife and has made numerous sacrifices for her family which I know she gladly makes but come Friday night its all about her...for at least  few hours.  See you Friday Lees!!!!

Blessings,

Christine

Permission

Ok, so as I've mentioned before I was single quite a while before Mr. Right came into my life. And while most of those days I was dreaming of being married, there were certain perks to not having responsibility and only needing to answer to myself. Well, as most of you know, that changes when you get married. Honestly, having to "check" if I could do something was seriously something I was dreading. Why after all this time was I going to have to start asking for permission to do things. But, as a Godly wife it was part of my role. Well, the first instance of having to ask for permission came the other night. There is a movie coming out next weekend that I'm dying to see. Its more of a chick movie. Its also a movie that is based on a television show, OK, most of you by now know what I'm talking about, its my guilty pleasure, but moving past that. Since it is based on a TV show that Jake has never seen I just assumed he would be out of the loop if he went with me to see it and quite honestly I wanted to see it with my friend Lisa. She and I both watched the show and knew what was going on. She called and said that she may be able to get a sitter for next Friday and to "check" to see if I could go. There is was...I had to check. And you know, I didn't skip a beat. It didn't phase me at all. So, I checked. Jake was shocked. He told me that of course I could go, and that he didn't want me to ask "permission" to do things. What? Wow, what just happened. Then I told him he was invited to go with us, and he said No. He knew I needed my time and said that he would stay home while I went out and did my thing. Amazing. What an amazing husband I have. I know I gush on him all the time, but its true. He knows when to be the caretaker and when to let me be independent. Its amazing. I really did wait a long time to find Mr. Right and although I would never have dreamed I would say this, it really was worth it. God has been working on me for the last zillion years, and finally I realize why. God is great, not that I ever doubted it, sometimes its nice to see the obvious reminders.
Blessings,
Christine

The "New" me....

So, I got my hair cut tonight and I LOVE IT!!! I feel like 100lbs has been lifted from my shoulders. I had gone after our honeymoon to get it cut and well lets just say it didn't go well. It looked basically the same, but shorter in the back. Tonight there is a clear difference. Jake loves it, which I'm glad for, but truly I did this for me. I just got married and the hair I had was connected to my pre wedding life. I know this sounds a little weird, but let me explain. 2 years ago my brother was killed. Just like that, New Years 2006, gone. That is when I started growing my hair out. The past 2 years have held a lot of pain and ended with more joy than I could have ever imagined. But the pain seemed to linger. Maybe its symbolic, I don't know, but as I sit here writing this post I feel...free. A few weeks prior to my wedding the man who killed my brother was sentenced and is now behind bars. God stepped in and took care of me again. As always, he puts something incredibly hard in front of me only to show me that He will never just leave me hanging. He may not answer the way we want him to, but he answers. I hate that one. That's the hard one for me. But, I'm truly the happiest I've ever been and it started with my wedding and ended with this new do. How can I not trust that God will provide. He has done it every time. Jake helped my heart to heal and that was a true blessing from God. So, now as I look at my adorable husband watching TV and feel the new shorter hair on the back of my neck, I'm reminded that God gives and he takes away. But never does He leave.

This might be a bit if a rambling post, but I hope it helps those of you needing a fresh start to begin new and look at all the wonders that wait when you are able to get through the darkness and begin again.

Blessings,
Christine

Thankful

As God does most times He sends you messages when you need them most. Today was that day for me. In our staff meeting today a co therapist of mine had devotions. He spoke about being thankful for the things that God has blessed us with and to not worry over the things we still don't have. This hit close to home for me because one of the questions asked was "when will you be happy enough?". He pointed out that we always say..."I'll be happier when....." you fill in the blank. I know for many years I thought my happiness would be found in a relationship. That was partly true. However, I also came to realize that being successful in that relationship required me to be content with what I had been given. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. A reminder to be happy with what we have and to not allow our days to be spent worrying about what we don't. He knows our hearts and already has a plan to meet those needs. I was reminded that we need to let him.
I thought I would pass that along to see if it would hit home for any of you.

Blessings,
Christine

Getting There....

Well, my blog is under construction. My wonderful friend Lisa designed this great new header and I managed to get it on my page all on my own...but....I need to figure out how to center it. Whew. This blog stuff is tiring. I love the header though and its more me than I could have hoped. Thanks Lees!!!!
Today is the one month anniversary of Jake and I getting married. Boy time flies when you are getting settled as a new married couple. Things are great and althought I got lots of advice to the contrary married life is fabulous. I love that he doesn't have to go home when we are out late and although most of you know me as an independent single girl, I've yet to feel like he is invading my space. So, God is good and has worked on my independent spirit to allow me to let this man that loves me unconditionally take care of me as well. Thanks be to God!

Blessings,
Christine

Let the journey begin!

Well, I've never blogged before, so this first post may be a bit rough. My hopes with this blog is that I will be able to sort out some of my thoughts about our first year of marriage. In the coming days I will give you our story and let you know how we got to now....Happily Ever After...
I'm excited and also a little apprehensive about what this will turn into, but as with every other aspect of my life, I'm ready to explore new territory!

Christine