Labor of Love

Well, this post is long in coming and as most of you know I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy Ayden on Dec 26th. Its been six weeks since he was born and I swear there are days I still look at him and think oh my God, I really did this. The road was not easy, and there have been ups and downs since, but I am continually filled with more gratitude and joy than I could have ever imagined. He is perfect. That in itself is a blessing. The labor was not easy, but then I guess it wouldn't be called labor now would it. It got scary, not just for me but for Jake as well. I ended up having a C-section after 25 hours of labor. Our little boy just wasn't ready to come and my body wasn't working like it should. As I lay there knowing that this was it, I was terrified. Terrified that something would go wrong, that Jake and I would leave the hospital once again without our baby, that something would happen to me, that Jake would have to face this new journey alone. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but indulge me if you will. It was scary and hard. Ayden was faltering, my blood pressure continued to rise. The reality was things got hairy. Jake was the essence of calm, it was amazing to see his strength during this time. I know it wasn't easy for him. He did amazing!

So, now as my little one sleeps I continue to be overwhelmed by the amount of love I have for him. I'd like to tell you that the worry has stopped, but those of you that know me well know that would be a lie. I continue to worry that Ayden is ok. That is when I have to remind myself that he is God's. God blessed us with him when we thought we weren't going to be parents, so I have to remember that above all...he is God's.

I also feel blessed to have had all my 'family' around me the entire time I worked to bring our boy into the world. Knowing that they were just outside the door praying and encouraging Jake really made the difference. I was once again reminded that this group of people is invaluable in my life. Without them I'm really not sure how my life would have ended up. I love you all more than words and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I will attach some pictures so that you can meet the new man in my life. Its true that a baby changes everything, I think its changing me most. Things thatwere important before, just aren't important anymore. I am no longer defined by my education or career, but by my family that God has blessed me with. This complicates things as I am scheduled to go back to work in March, I'm not ready and right now shudder at the thought, but I am faithful that God will prepare me or open another door that will allow me to do both without one suffering. Truthfully right now, work would suffer, because there isn't anything I wouldn't do or sacrifice for my family. But as I said I am faithful and I know God will provide.

Here is Ayden Jacob: