Hills and Valleys.....

Before I start this post I need to make an introduction, most of you know him, but for the few that don't this is my baby brother Vince.

I'm including him in this post because he has been on my mind so much lately and while I feel a little apprehensive sharing this here, its been on my mind for a long time and in my heart even longer.  So, this is my sweet brother and he is no longer with me.

  

Now on to the title of the post.  I'm a therapist, I work with women and girls everyday helping them manage their emotions find new ways to deal with their pain and have a better more balanced life.  I know how to teach someone to deal with grief, but the truth of the matter is there is no sure fire way to "deal" with grief.  Believe me I've tried.  I've used the rules on myself and the whole time I kept thinking what a bunch of hooey it was.  Now, don't misunderstand me, the stages of grief are real, I've experienced all of them multiple times and continue to experience them.  Hence the title of the post.  I am heading to a valley of this process.  Its been 3 years and all the crap that people say about  time healing  the pain, well its just that....a bunch of crap.  My theory is that time doesn't heal the pain, you just manage to find other ways to deal with it, or have other things that help you not focus on it every second of the day.  Now this may not be a surprise to any of you, but I felt the need to share it anyway. 

 I have been blessed in the years since Vince died, so in times, like now, when I am angry and sad and missing the sound of his voice I feel guilt.  I feel like I shouldn't feel this way, that I should be OK, but the truth is, sometimes I'm not.  Even with all I'm blessed with I want my brother back.  I want to be able to make new memories with him, I want him to meet Jake...God they would be so annoying together:)  So, I'm in a valley.  I know I will climb out and be on the hill top again and somehow all of this will make some sense, but right now it doesn't and I wish it did.  

My life is good.

I am Blessed.

My faith in God is STRONG.

I miss my Brother.