A tug that sometimes feels like a PULL

Well, I'm writing this post after yet another week that has called my purpose into question.  After talking this through with a few people I've come to realize that I do believe that God is yet again preparing me for transition.  I sent a cryptic email to a friend during the day Tuesday that basically stated that it was days like this Tuesday that made me wonder if my priorities have shifted so much that I have lost the purpose for what I am currently doing.  And the answer is yes and no.  I still believe that God gave me this gift to use to help save these women and girls I work with, and I also believe that God has answered the desire of my heart to be a wife and eventually be a Mom.  Although I have seen many women that I work with do both, I'm not sure I'm made that way.  Do I still want to make a difference in people's lives, YES, but at this point I'm not sure what that is going to look like in the future.  All I know is when I got home Tuesday night I declared to Jake that I didn't care what we had to do, I'd even give up cable if it meant I could stay home after we have kids. (I know, giving up TV...Yes it was that bad of a day)  The truth of the matter is we are doing everything we can to make that a reality.  

In the past my heart was with my work, I was excited to get there and kick some eating disorder butt, now my heart and admittedly my mind is elsewhere.  God knows this, but since we aren't using my clock, I'm waiting on his timing.  You'd think I'd be an expert at this...but I'm not.  I am not wanting to rush things either, but I know my heart at work grows weary, I turn to God, because honestly, by Wednesday morning I wanted to throw in the white flag and accept defeat, but God knows best and its now Thursday evening and I have survived yet again.  I will end this week with praise from my team, a couple of new pay increases (Whoo Hoo) and 2 full days of freedom.  I will also be one week closer to the next surprise that God has waiting for me.  Its hard, I want to be done, but I know I need to be there, I look around and while this week my abilities were called into question, there is evidence all around me that I am still making a difference, I am good at what I do and God is still using me.  But I feel Him also tugging me or should I say pulling me into another direction, but I wait on Him.  Not giving into my own urgency and inpatience.