A New Type of Independence

So, it occurred to me last weekend that since Jake and I have moved I rarely go anywhere alone.  I drive to work and home, but if we go anywhere in the evenings or on the weekends he always drives and he is always with me.  Now, most of you know that I HATE to drive so driving everyday to work is a challenge.  Jake is very aware of how much I don't like to drive so that is primarily why he always drives when we go anywhere. But as I drove to the grocery store with Jake on Sunday in my car, I felt like a fish out of water.  Not only do I not go anywhere alone, I rarely drive so when I do it feels foreign.  Talking to Lisa on my way home today I was expressing my fear that I'm losing my "Independent" edge.  I have for a while now been the girl that can definitely take care of herself.  By this point of my life I've been through plenty and managed to survive.  But I'm finding myself not doing things because I know Jake will do them or not lifting things because they feel "a little" too heavy.  What is happening to me????  Well, it was then that I realized that the fight to stay my independent single self is going out of me.  This is a blessing and a bit frighting at the same time.  For Jake's sake I'm glad its happening, but honestly it scares me a little.  I'm managing an entirely new type of independence.  This new independence requires me to allow my husband to take care of me when he can so that I don't have to.  This is still tough, but oddly enough its getting easier. It also requires me to tell him things I'd rather hide from and ask him for help when I just want to do it on my own.

Now, back to my original issue of not going anywhere alone.  I like to be alone, Jake is out right now and I'm OK with that, I want him to go and have fun.  But then the harsh reality sinks in and in an hour or so I'll be missing him and wishing that he would get home.  I'm officially ruined.  Ok, that's a little dramatic, but I can't tell you how many Monday nights I would sit at home and do nothing and not think twice, now its a chore.  Oh the agony.  Ok, I know more drama.  So, I guess the bottom line is this.  While I need and want to go places on my own I genuinely enjoy my husbands company and I'm working on coming to terms with the fact that being by myself doesn't feel as comfortable as it used to.  Now, while I will be making more of an effort to venture out on my own, I'm also accepting that while going shopping is something best saved for girlfriends and solo trips, target isn't so bad with a cute boy:)